I'm... just hurt. I'm not even sure if they care about me... I told one that I was emotionally hurt because of them and the reply I got made me even sadder... Its like... I've tried so hard to get close to them, but I'm just failing. I feel that I'm just a friend with benefit. As a senior, I have much more authority and I think that they're just making use of me. And... it disappoints me because I don't wish to use my power to force them to do anything. One just thinks that its a joke and I can take it all or he is just rejecting me straight. The other one is just... I don't think he cant be bothered with me. He most probably just thinks that I'm an old idiotic irritating Venture. I don't know what am I supposed to do to maintain this friendship. I mean... I'm always the convo starter... And... I'm tired of it. Don't start a convo regarding Scouts. Start about personal life. I don't wish to use Scouts as a kickstart to the convo. I don't wish our convo maintains at Scouts. I'm really tired and I need affirmation. Reassure me that I'm on the right track. Reassure me that what I'm trying to do is worth it. Reassure me that I'm worth to you all... I may be wrong... I'm not sure... I'm just... lost and... I need somebody to light up my road ahead. I can't be the one always starting the convo because I'll run out of topics one day and sadly, the day has already arrived.
~Aduxsified
每當我笑了, 心卻狠狠地哭著 - A-lin, 給我一個理由忘記
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