I mean... I have really expressed myself in such a way that if I were to go on and explain any further, it will make me look like a retard. But... I'm just not sure. I've tried my very best to try to be closer to those two and let's face it. I've failed. They only talk to me when I initiate a conversation. And... I'm tired of that (Mentioned this for god knows how many times but still...) I am still waiting for the day when they would actually start a convo with me not related to Scouts but instead about their life. I don't want to be just brothers in Scouts. I wish to be brothers outside of Scouts. I want to be a senior where they can tell me about their day, their live, their past, not just me telling them all that and they just giving me replies. Like... Just tell me more about your life. At least just give me a chance to be closer to you guys. Yes, I may always nag about many things and ridicule you guys, but its because I care for you all. Thats the way I do stuffs. But... URGH. I think my way of doing stuffs is being mistaken as being nosy. But... If I don't do so, how do I start a conversation with you guys? I am not told anything and I guess you guys actually know me quite well. But, do I really know you guys? I can safely say that I still have no idea. For one very simple reason: You guys don't share anything with me. I don't know what am I supposed to even do... One doesn't bother replying when I try asking him about his life because he finds me nosy (most likely). I don't want to bother the other one anymore as I know that he's busy. So what am I even supposed to do? I really want to just step out of their lives once and for all. I either make close friends, or just remain awkward forever. There isn't a in between for me. So how? What do they want me to do? They are also most likely sick and tired of me doing this every now and then but its because I really care for them and I view them as my little brothers and I want to care for them which I did not have a chance to do so. Yes, I will definitely be called being kaypo for trying to care into their lives. But I guess... Its something in me that makes me like that. The sense that if I don't know much about one person, I will lose him/her and that if its something I want to treasure and protect, I will go to the very extent for them.
~Aduxsified
臉掛著一張笑容, 心卻正在淌著血
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